


Sentimental Illness

by mthrfkrgdhrwego (universalchampbalor)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drabble, Introspection, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, Snapshots, UnDeadwood Mini-series (Critical Role), as of the canon of part III, this was written before part IV came out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 10:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21474664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/universalchampbalor/pseuds/mthrfkrgdhrwego
Summary: It makes Clayton question what he's doing here. If he was a smarter man, he would have left this town in the dust as soon as Swearengen called the five of them into his office, would have left as soon as the snakes melted into the dirt, when the mayor's body opened up to reveal ash and scales. If he was a smarter man, he would have run the second that Miriam's carefully hidden bleeding heart became endearing, when he started caring about Arabella's heartache over her sister and her husband that isn't, when Aloysius's underhanded flirting became entertaining instead of annoying. If he gave a damn about his life, he would have left as soon as the Reverend's curious naivety and wide smiles and quiet darkness made his heart turn in his chest.
Relationships: Reverend Matthew Mason/Clayton Sharpe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	Sentimental Illness

**Author's Note:**

> Small note: I was unable to watch Part IV until the day after this was posted. All I have to say is: In this household, we ignore the last half-hour of Undeadwood. As far as I'm concerned, it ended when they got their reward and they all lives as happily as the town will allow.

The church is still just a husk. After everything that’s happened, there hasn’t been time to rebuild. Hell, it’s been quite some time since the snakes and ash and the dead that didn’t stay dead, and even with that taken into consideration, almost nothing has been done. Some of the more dangerous areas have been fixed, like the weakened floorboards and busted windows, but most of the damage is still left, including the gaping hole in the front of the church.

That being said, it’s still looking better than it has in the past few weeks. Most of that is thanks to Reverend Mason, who seemingly hasn’t left the church in that time. He’s always there, either inside serving mass or preaching from the front porch. Even when he isn’t working, he’s inside, patching what small areas he can on his own. He brings a light to the ruined building, a brightness that hasn’t been seen since the night it burned, or maybe that was never there in the first place.

Clayton has never been one for church. With the life he’s lived, the horrors he’s seen, the things he’s done, it’s never seemed like a possibility. He’s never found God hiding in the clouds or seen the miracles He’s supposed to grant. He’s never known that sort of kindness.

Here he is though, standing in front of the church. He’s not directly in front- instead, he’s secreted away in the shadows, just like he always is. He spends a moment just watching: the church; the clouds; the chaos of Deadwood swarming around them; the Reverend, seemingly oblivious to everything else, working away in the church.

He isn’t alone. Arabella is sitting on one of the pews, sometimes giving directions or orders. Miriam is on the ground nearby, cleaning up spots of oil and staining the wooden floor. Aloysius is helping the Reverend build one of the front walls. Pleasant conversation and laughter drift through the air, mixed with the sound of their labor, reaching Clayton’s ears clearly despite the distance.

He simply observes for a moment, taking in the easy comradery that only comes from people who have been through hell together. He watches like he's staring at his own grave, staring at the thing that will surely spell his end. He knows that will be the case, that one of these days, the  _ fondness _ growing in his chest will make him do something idiotic and he's gonna end up just another shitty grave in this shitty town. He's made his peace with that, has come to the opinion that there are worse reasons to die, but that doesn't mean he likes it. 

It makes Clayton question what he's doing here. If he was a smarter man, he would have left this town in the dust as soon as Swearengen called the five of them into his office, would have left as soon as the snakes melted into the dirt, when the mayor's body opened up to reveal ash and scales. If he was a smarter man, he would have run the second that Miriam's carefully hidden bleeding heart became endearing, when he started caring about Arabella's heartache over her sister and her husband that isn't, when Aloysius's underhanded flirting became entertaining instead of annoying. If he gave a damn about his life, he would have left as soon as the Reverend's curious naivety and wide smiles and quiet darkness made his heart turn in his chest.

Clayton is not a smart man, though, which is evident in the fact that he's still here. He's lived a lot longer than he had any right to, but it seems that none of that could be attributed to anything more than dumb luck and stubbornness. Hopefully, that'll carry him into the future because he can't see himself leaving this ragtag little family behind. That's a dangerous way of thinking, especially in a town like Deadwood, in a town that finds weaknesses and turns them against you. It's a way of thinking he can't afford, that he should throw aside and run from. It's a way of thinking that's gonna end up killing him, sooner rather than later.

He steps out of the shadows anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm vampiremox on Tumblr! Come bug me!  
Title credit to Too Dumb to Die by Green Day


End file.
